You would think a pink and grey sperm collector called “SW-3701” would have come out of Japan.
China did it first.
This medical device from Nanjing, capital of Jiangsu Province, has re-emerged on social media again after its debut a few years ago – and it still makes eyes bulge, and probably a few trousers. Then there are all the view comments you could imagine (from creative new names, to not-so-creative comparisons to girlfriends or wives, several milk machine images, and plenty of “I’m just here for the comments”).
But before you get ready to whip out your wallets, remember this thing has a price tag of around five to six thousand dollars.
According to the director of the urology department, the idea was to have a device “to help individuals that are finding it difficult to retrieve sperm the old fashioned way.” Users can adjust the pipe height, suction frequency, amplitude, and even the temperature. There are also options to watch “stimulating material.”
But wait, there’s MORE!
Another feature is the Premature Ejaculation Desensitization Training. Here’s the blub directly from a sellers site…
“The strong currents impact and rub the glans penis repeatedly in order to reduce the excitability of nerve endings so as to passivate the nerve of glans penis, sulcus coronarius, and the surface of the penis, and regulate the sex nerve center in order to minimize nerve sensitivity, improve ejaculatory threshold to treat premature ejaculation.”
So…it’s helps you cum and NOT cum? Yay for multifunction’s!
Here’s more from the seller’s page. Let’s break this down…
- The device can simulate the environment of women’s vagina which makes the patient feel comfortable in the process of collecting semen.
- Provide a full range of visual, auditory and olfaction stimulation
- Exclusive semen-collection sheath can eliminate contamination of semen
- All-round isolation measures to prevent cross-infection
- All-round airbags make semen-collection true experience.
- Good human-machine interface and easy to operate
- Support SD CARD,USD external expansion
The two I’ve bolded are what makes me the most curious (and wary) – because the rest is just fancy-talk for “expensive sex toy that feels great”.
Apparently, there’s a sleeve that goes into the machine that collects the semen, and this makes things more sanitary. This I totally get, but what about the second part? What are these isolation measures? What cross-contamination are we talking about?
Because, to me, it just sounds like putting a condom over your dick when you want to borrow your friend’s Fleshlight.
I know I’m sounding a tad crusty. I just can’t see how it’s worth it – even at a ““high success rate of 95%.” as some companies or hospitals claim. I guess if I look at my own experiences living in China, I COULD see at least a sliver of rational. One example is how they dole out medicines (more control from the hospital and less trust in the patient to do things correctly). They also love their gadgets.
But still, a cup and a video would be WAY cheaper!
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What about you, dear reader? Would you ever use something like this? Share in the comments!